I've never lived with my parents. I remember nothing of an experience with them. From my early age, I have always lived with others. All my life I have been the daughter of the others. Trying to blend in so as I could, trying to clone, blend in children of others. And this, at such levels so perfect, that often people from outside, it's hard to remember that I am only given a daughter and my parents really are not my parents.
I spent so much time away from home than ever, came to the house arrived very quickly as a chameleon, I adapt to all and in record time. I do not know as I do. I'm not traumatized or difficult for me. Nothing scares me to live with parents or other families, families that are not really mine. Perhaps simply because I am an eternal adopted.
adopted
When I say I do not speak in the strict sense of the word, because I have parents and because I have always been taken between comets. Is that there are situations in life, in which one turns from here to there, and from there to beyond. I have sometimes been adopted family law obligation, and sometimes by choice and decision. I have been provided at times because it's what plays and what there, and even sometimes, because there is no choice. Eternal
adopted, I have spent my life trying to be the best possible for my daughter's adoptive families. Eternal adopted, I have spent my entire life embracing the other mothers, parents of the other, families to take on loan and they turn to me as eternal
adopted daughter ... I have always done everything to be liked, using all education and all learned over all my stations. Eternal adopted, always giving more than the Seraphim biological sometimes receive less gratitude and fair price. After all, love given, he is always seen more damage. Eternal coconut meal of never knowing your place, what you gotta do what you did wrong and not make absurd comparisons can stop when you see that the hole is large. I've always
family borrowed from others, parents, siblings, friends, uncles, grandparents, neighborhood, customs, places all of the others. Trying to make my perfect levels, not to suffer the lack of what should be inside of me. I borrowed the most surreal things. In the end, all I have, I have provided. And all this, although it seems clear that is mine, I sometimes feel unstable, shifting, and so given that I accelerates the heart, because I realize that in fact I have nothing.
I tried to make mine so much ... Trying to make my own, do not steal even though some people have seen me as a predator able to toil all or a hyena usurper who comes to steal. They know that feelings do not steal. All that is left me, has been the will of those who left me. And if I adapt is because I am a nomad, a creditor of feelings. Eternal
adopted, it seems nothing is mine but so as tangible as my mother or my father's house. And although I am an expert to adjust very quickly to everything, because sometimes no more daughter know what might be or what I've been. After all, my mother never asked me, or ask me more ... I heard her once say to his friends when he thought I was not listening: "It's so good daughter ... You can not imagine, has a heart ..." She
I do not know many Sometimes I cry because I hate to give so much to so many mothers I've had and give so little to it. She does not know that I do the "sobrehija" to be a daughter, when she from me, just over crumbs and enough for him. "Sobrehija" to be a daughter, because the borrowed always asks for more. I helped at all, I offered to relieve burdens, I have been there forever, when biological cherubs did not want to be and never enough. Never never enough. There is always a surge of sermon. It's horrible to be provided.
Many times, this Cinderella, I've been sitting in a corner, naive and fearful, watching the cuddles and biological lagoterías. Never, I never envied nor have I plant anything. For me, life was that he had, is that there is and nothing more. And also because when you borrow a daughter, you have much more defects. After all, they are home with their laws intangibles and absolute truths. Just like me, just like me, in my house.
I never wanted to be adopted and always have been. And I spent years of my children against my window, watching the way, longing to see the silhouette of my mother. And sometimes appeared as a miracle, a day like any other. Came to spend the day ... I remember that I never, never cried in front of her. Will it happen to me. I would love to say that sometimes I felt alone. I would like to say that sometimes cried at night and tell me why they are always better than biological ones provided ... I did not want to worry the least about me, because he sensed that she cried at night. I remember only once asked why I had to take, borrow, families of the other, having a father and a mother. I never said anything what happened to me and I passed within. Yaïvi poor. Yaïvi it, not me, you've always wanted to be a mother and never has been. Hidden laws and culture. And then he took the road again and went and I kept looking until they disappeared from view. Which I hated because she was not really disappear, but by the silent tears that filled my eyes. Even now I love him the same questions and saying the same things, because I'm feeling lonely and I see that biologics are always better than those provided.
is sad to be a daughter borrowed. I know most of the other mothers than my own. Luckily I never take this into account. No is that I know, I'm sure.
I'm happy to have the family I have now, before too and prior to that of before. Is that each has been different but I always find missing things and know how to explain things that make me think.
there yet because people who take leave to provide or pay me what is yours, and I, in my turn, let me give a daughter. But sometimes, like today, I'm a little sad to think that I have never fully enjoyed the "enjoy it because it's all yours."
Maybe I'm turning white but I feel things I do not know who they are. I feel things I can not explain. But it's so hard to be an eternal adopted .... I
lived at home the other, now more, sometimes when I'm in my own home, at my mother or my father, at times, I feel a fear, heart pounding and beating a speed. Terrifying fear that makes me anxious. Fear of not being a good child or that judge me. Fear that passes quickly because I realize that I am at home and this is just a reflection of many years joined in the homes of others. And then I feel calm, like when you float with open arms because I know that is not a consideration, and whatever I do for my parents, the better. Because I do not deceive my father's smile, that pride, it has since I was little and my mother when I say I look like her.
"The children of my mother factor has no eyes, and yet I say I'm the first blind you know. Love always borrowed defects. "
And I remember the song he wrote my mother to me. Air ancient and melancholy song that is even more beautiful when mixed with sweet.
"Where is my daughter? I do not see. Where is he now? Tell him to come, I just love her. "
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